Dilemma: Idealism and Reality... Betrayal.

When I was young, my parents mold me to be someone who is righteous and ideal. I seemed so heroic and I carried the teachings of being a Filipino. And my parents made me this way and that is who I am.

Over this college years i seemed to gotten of the issue that we are in a reality. My parents always say that i should have been a nurse, but i simply dont like blood. No, it isnt blood that i feared in that course. It is was the not liking for me to survive in this world which aims money. I hate it! i always hate it! i always hate it when my parents talk about money. I spent money but i am thrifty. I can give all the money i have. I don't treasure money. I hate people who treasure money. I hate them. I hate my parents. Because of money, everything changed. When we have less money, we had a very happy life. I wish we never had much. I wish I could turn back time when we were so happy.

why cant my stubborn parents accept the path I chose? why do they interfere with my life with false hope? why are many people discouraging me to have my own dreams? why are my parents those people!? i hate them! i have been a silent type, and silent rivers run deep. I LOATHE them! Why can't they let me dream like when they let my bro to the PMA? Why? they really are stupid people. They are killing the youth's dream of becoming someone who is impossible. Before I can dream of being a super hero, now whenever i dream of becoming even a successful person, they don't believe. I'll show them. They really don't understand. I am slowly suffering from psychological and emotional problems. They don't know. Because they really don't see it.

Hope someday we can really live a happy family.

P.S. I HATE the nursing course like I hate them.

We Filipinos lack pride for our country. Pride for our country and future is right. Not pride for ourselves which most have. No matter what it takes, i think I can serve my country by following my dreams. Someday, ill prove to them that what they are thinking is wrong. They are too much eaten by society and i believe i just have to save them from this world.

New Year's Solution?

It is now a prosperous new year. But it is sad to hear about the tidal wave in the southeast asia region. 150000 is a big number. i can't imagine if it were my country, perhaps i would have died too.

Well, I thought new year was full of solution but it is somehow the opposite. right now, i am torn with two choices, to be content in my life or go to a place "No man's land." Thinking of it makes me sick. I still don't know if i can decide my future. This choice i will make will determine who i am in the future. Will I be the courageous one? or Will I be the silent man? People say that there will come in life that a person will choose to who he will be in the future. I think, right now, i am in the middle of the crossroad. will i turn back? or will I choose the content and simple life? or will I choose to know what is "life."

Many are called, but few are chosen.

God, help me to find who I really am. Let me find what I must be in your will.