Great Lines from Dogma

All that tension, all that anger and mistrust, forgotten for one perfect moment when they come off that plane. See those two? The guy doesn't even know that the girl cheated on him while he was away.

Uh-huh. Twice. But it doesn't matter at this moment because they're both so relieved to be with one another. I like that. I just wish they could all feel that way more often.

No married man kisses his wife like that. You get married and the passion dies, man. Don't you everwatch talk shows?

A guy makes his best plays when wooing. When the object of his desire is won, there's no need to expend the effort anymore. He relaxes, satisfied with the spoils of victory, which he then decides isn't so victorious because he's saddled with a life-mate.

That's the problem - romance. You think about it: back in the old days, nobody got married out of quote, unquote, love. People married for property, dowries, or to procreate - to immortalize oneself through offspring. When did all this love stuff start? What the hell happened to the status quo?

I'm pissed is what I am. You go around drenching everyone that comes into your room with flame-retardant chemicals? No wonder you don't get laid.

What's he like? God?.... Lonely. But funny. He's got a great sense of humor.

Look at sex. Sex is funny. One time I asked him why you people had to look so stupid while procreating. He said if you didn't, you'd do it all the time, just for fun..

I know. And you all look so damn stupid doing it. It kills us upstairs.

Death is a worry of the living. The dead only worry about decay and necrophiliacs.

You know what the dead do with most of their time? They watch the living. Especially in the shower.

What, these? You should know better than anyone
at this table that tits don't make a woman.
Aside from an intuitive knack for accessorizing,
what traditionally defines a woman falls between
two things : her legs. But as you can see...

BETHANY
(stunned)
God is a woman...

SERENDIPITY
I don't know what the big surprise is - women are the only gender that can create life, just like God created the universe. Who else but a mother could have the infinite patience with impudent children that God has with humanity. A woman can
give birth to and nurture both sexes, so psychologists theorize that women are the only gender both sexes can feel completely comfortable with; and the faithful - both male and female - feel at ease with God. In time of trial, our first instinct is
to implore the aid of the Almighty, just as when you're a child, the only person who can make it

In the beginning, it was just us and Him. Angels and God. And then He created the humans. And He gave them more than He ever gave us. Ours was designed to be a life of servitude and worship - adoration. But He gave the humans more - He gave
them a choice. They can choose to ignore God, choose to acknowledge Him. All this time we've been down here, everyday I felt the absence of the Divine presence. And it pained me... as I'm sure it must have pained you sometimes, even though you'd gloss over it with jokes. But we feel his absence, and why? Because of the way He made us - as servants. Had we been given free will, we could ignore the pain... like them.

Loki, don't you get it? It's the humans - it's always the humans. They were given paradise; they threw it away. They were given this planet; they
destroyed it. They were favored best among all His endeavors; and some of them don't even believe He exists. Their ego-mania corroded Hell and made it dark and crimson.
(looks at Loki)
I asked you to lay down your sword years ago - why? Because I felt sorry for them. And where did it get us? Thrown out. (smiles) We've paid our debt. Don't you think it's time we went home? And to d o that, I think we have to dispatch our would-be dispatchers.

I'm afraid so. One of the drawbacks to being a martyr is that you have to die. But no matter - all is being taken care of.